Thursday, February 26, 2009

Culture and Community

The is no doubt that one’s race, class, gender, sexuality, language, and religion play an important role in defining one’s culture. In fact, it seems to me that they are, once one’s nationality and country of upbringing is taken into account, the defining aspects of what culture is. I grew up in a small, almost predominantly white mining town in South Wales, struggling with the closure of the coat pits during the Thatcher years. There was a decidedly insular working class mindset. Being the 1980s and 90s, religion was in decline but the role of the Anglican Church in my upbringing was important – even if I took nothing in and considered myself agnostic, church was still a weekly event and, as such, played a part in making a sense of guilt one of the main things that motivates me in life.

I am thankful for incredibly liberal parents, but coming from this kind of culture, there is no doubt it affected my views of race, gender and sexuality, among other things. During my entire pre-college academic career I encountered very few people who were not white. There was one black student in my high school for the whole time I was there, only two Asian students (and they were brothers) and a few Indian or Pakistani students. Going to a partially church-funded state school (having a state religion in Britain means that these kinds of schools are common place) I only encountered people of the same religious background, apart from one Muslim girl whose parents had petitioned the board of governors for her placement because of the school’s excellent reputation. Her faith was never an issue as I never really considered the relevance of anything other than Anglicanism until the final years of high school in which I really started to question religion as a whole.

College ultimately made me a lot more open-minded. Finally I was able to at least try to break free of the Valleys culture that had dominated the first 18 years of my life. I met people of different races, religions and sexualities and made close friends. Perhaps it was in spite of the culture I was brought up in; perhaps it was an indicator that one makes one’s own culture through continual experience. Culture, then, is something that is always shifting to accommodate changes that you encounter. Those that don’t experience that kind of alteration are the bigots and those resistant to change.

In what ways has my culture shaped how I view myself? Even before I came to the United States I viewed myself as an outsider. Whether because I was more of a “book-learning type” in a masculine environment of rugby and soccer; or because, for the longest time, I was happier with my head in a comic book or listening to heavy metal than looking for girls. Living in a more multi-cultural part of the world, my own background cannot help but make me feel guilty every step of the way. Am I saying the right thing to people who are different? What if I offend someone unknowingly? It often seems as though my culture has given me a magnified sense of liberal guilt now that I am now longer surrounded purely by white, working and lower-middle class Anglicans.

Seeing these people struggle through the post-Thatcher years, and suffering bullying at the hands of those trapped by poverty inspired by decades of only knowing one kind of work – a kind that had now been taken away, I knew that I had to get out and to succeed. Subconsciously at the time, this inspired me as a learner. I would watch American television shows and movies and knew that was where I wanted to be and the way to do it would be to succeed academically. It was in rebellion against my culture that I embraced education. I was never interested in practical things like math and science but literature and history always fascinated me – especially if it was American. It seemed to be the opposite of the insular Valleys culture I knew so well and getting there inspired me to do well as a learner.

Of course, now I have made it I have no doubt that my past, the culture that has defined me all these years, will play a large role in how I run a classroom. While my college years expanded my worldview, that all-white upbringing I received earlier in my life may make it harder to connect with students of a different race. Experience will no doubt prove that these worries are futile. Nevertheless, I will bring a unique perspective to an American classroom. My being a cultural outsider will allow me to relate to immigrants and the children of immigrants – while our cultures may differ we will both be sharing similar experiences that can be brought into the classroom. I will be able to use my own cultural background to open up white, American-born students to the wider world, showing that even someone of the same race who speaks the same language can be very different. My culture could act as a lens through which I, as a teacher, will be able to guide my students through their education in a unique way.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

What are some of the questions you would like to explore for your final project? Why do they intrigue you?

With the final project draws nearer, I feel the biggest topic I would like to tackle relates to non-Americans working in urban schools. Are there any major examples of it taking place? What were the successes and failures that these educators encountered? To what extent were their backgrounds a hindrance or a help in teaching inner city students?

As a British citizen coming to the United States to teach, it is clearly that my cultural background will play a major role in the way I develop as a teacher. This would be the case no matter what kind of school I taught in. In an urban environment, where my being white and middle-class would already impact on the way I teach, I can’t help but wonder how my being from an entirely different county would also play a role. For sure, Britain has a lot more in common with America that a lot of other nations, but differences do exist and they could play a role.

Ultimately, I want to learn more about how foreign educators have been able to develop relationships with students in inner city areas, and how their background has been able to make an impact on the lives of these students; quite simply, were they able to impart aspects of their culture into the school environment in order to alter the way the students were able to learn and grow.

Of course, there are a lot of countries out there from which teachers can come. How would students react to a teacher from Western Europe compared to from the Middle East, Latin America, Africa etc.? Does the background of the teacher play a role in how students react to them?

These are all aspects of the one overarching theme that I want to tackle. Given my position as a non-American trying to make a career in the United States, it is an issue that spends a lot of time on my mind.

Edit: As existing research in this area proves to be limited, I have begun to look into the position of immigrant students in urban American schools. To what extent are they able to integrate with native-born students? Does segregation based on differences between being native- and foreign-born exist? What difficulties do they bring for educators in already difficult positions of improving the performance of students in urban schools? What impact on school resources do these immigrants have? Does this impact, if it exists, hinder or benefit the education of native-born students? Similarly, are there patterns in regards to the country of origin of immigrant students and whether they are educated in urban schools? How does country of origin impact their success in tests, in comparison to the native-born?

As America becomes an even-more diverse country than it already is, I am aware the impact of immigration will play a huge role in my career as an educator. Whether I teach in an urban or suburban school district, I will encounter an increasing amount of foreign-born students. Being able to more fully understand the impact that their presence has on school resources and the education of existing, native-born students will make me more open-minded when I teach immigrants.

Knowing the different resources that students from different regions require will allow me to improve my ability to ensure that all students receive the best possible education I can give them.

The Election of Barack Obama and Urban Education

A lot of focus since the recent inauguration of President Barack Obama has been on how he’s going to “fix” the economy. Indeed, within the new bill to stimulate the economy, a substantial amount of money has been put into education and, more specifically to aid students being educated in urban communities. While it doesn’t go into specifics of the areas in which the money is going (urban, suburban or rural), the bill does include $13,000,000,000 for Title 1 aid, $1,066,000,000 for school improvement and money for teacher and principal recruitment and retention in high-need schools and subjects.

Still, I can’t help but think that beyond the financial assistance, the election of Obama may have a massive impact on children of color being educated in America right now. In the days after the results came in, I found myself reading a lot of articles in which African American parents talked of how having Obama in the White House opened up the possibilities for their children.

In the Huntsville Times, a mother Erica Harbin talked about the impact on her son. “At home, we were thinking Anthony could be the president, too ... When we got the results, we said, 'You really can be.' Anthony can be whatever he wants to be.'” The world isn’t going to change overnight; it’s not an end to racism as so many news channel pundits inanely stated in the days after November 4th. Yet after centuries of winning small victories at a time, Obama being the first African American President means that, simply, he won’t be the last.

A lot is hinging on what he is able to do in these next four years. Major mistakes could hold back future black presidents – I think about how the general antipathy towards Margaret Thatcher in Britain has prevented more women from becoming Prime Minister in the decades since (it certainly explains why so many Brits gave their support to Obama over Hillary Clinton during the primaries).

Jeffrey Pascal, an African American student also quoted in the Huntsville Times article also makes an interesting point: “It's changed the view children have on life ... Now, instead of wanting to be Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant, they say, ‘I want to be president of the United States.’.” President Obama has created a new kind of role model for many children: a role model for whom academic achievement was a major contributing factor. As Pascal optimistically notes, it has the potential to spur a lot of children on in their education. Even the Presidency of the United States is no longer out of reach.

For educators, too, it is important. Children’s author Linda Meyer also has something to say on the matter: “The fact that we have someone other than an old white man standing behind the Seal of the President will provide powerful reinforcement to the lessons teachers and parents try to instill in their children ... For decades, we've used parables, fairy tales and stories to use as examples of how there is more that unites people of different ethnicities and religions than divides them. However, using a real person, especially someone who is now the most powerful person on the planet, as an example of diversity is a hundred times more potent than any fairy tale or story.”

Ultimately, I can't begin to predict how this election will affect my career as a teacher – whether I work in an urban environment or not – but certainly any teaching of the government and history of the people will see a dramatic shift. The impact this election will have on American children of all races will be felt for years to come. As an historian, I have noticed how many people gave their children the name “George Washington” in the years following the Revolution and his presidency. I can’t help but wonder how many students I will come to teach with the first and middle names “Barack Obama” in the next few decades.

Monday, February 9, 2009

What are the major influences that shape schools, those in urban centers in particular?

Schools are shaped by numerous external factors. Quite simply without these factors schools would be nothing more than identical four walls and a roof in which identical teachers throw ideas at identical classrooms of students. It goes without saying that this is not the case. Whether a school is urban, suburban, or rural certain aspects come together to form a unique environment.

Both Fruchter (2006) as well as Anderson and Summerfield (2004) view history as an important factor. Of course, “history” is something of a large umbrella under which a lot of ideas can fall. Anderson and Summerfield look at a deeper history of education in the United States and critique the myth of rural schools as superior to the later urban and suburban models. It is easy to understand how an idea that urban schools are in some way inferior to other historical models can impact upon the way these schools are shaped.

Fruchter’s discussion of the history of desegregation (and its ultimate failure) reveals what I feel is a greater historical impact upon what makes urban schools the way they are. I read once (and I wish I could remember the source) that while many countries (be it Britain, Canada, France etc.) are “societies with racism”, the United States is a “racist society.” Now, I don’t necessarily agree with that statement (after all, Britain has yet to elect a non-white Prime Minister – the U.S. is ahead of us in that respect), but the racism inherent within the society has played a major role in the way urban schools have come to be: That fear that “they” were coming into the neighborhood, forcing white Americans into the suburbs and businesses out of urban centers, was something that was easily exploited by state and local governments. In doing so, they create schools that were lacking in the diversity that existed when these urban communities consisted of African American, as well as Jewish, Irish and Latino families. A barrier between communities is built that impacts upon the education in urban areas.

Of course, the history goes far deeper than that. In the Randall Robinson quote that Fruchter uses, “You drive [a people of their history] for 246 years and follow that with 100 years of de jure discrimination,” you are going to create a psychically damaged culture. Indeed, culture is one of the most important factors in shaping schools. It defines the community in which it exists. Fruchter is quick to acknowledge that there is a distinct culture within African American communities, a result of a shared history. Students and teachers from these communities come together in the school environment to create something very different to that which may exist in rural and suburban schools.

Indeed, what can be more important in the shaping of a school than the students themselves? The lives the lead outside can either be brought into the school to inform its development, or be forcibly left outside. Schools need to reflect (and respect) the culture of its students and perhaps it is those that don’t that have created the problems that are seen as existing in urban schools. Fruchter discusses the ideas of Pierre Bourdieu and the fact that a dominant culture will use schools to impose its cultural mores on other communities that exist within its sphere of influence. This struck a chord with me. For years in British schools, Welsh history, language and culture was ignored in favor of English history in an attempt to undermine and anglicize those living in Wales. It is only since the 1980s that a school curriculum that incorporates both has come into Welsh schools. It has given Welsh students that have come of age in that time an opportunity to embrace their background and culture – an opportunity their parents and grandparents may not have had. The Welsh language that was beginning to die out throughout the 20th century has suddenly begun to reemerge. These schools came to appreciate the culture of its students – something that perhaps needs to be done in urban American schools.

As with the Welsh examples, for the longest time in American schools it seems as though white American history that has been given primary importance in the curriculum. Thus, students of color living in urban areas have had their culture ignored in their educations. How can this not shape schools in these areas? It can’t help but create in these students a sense that schools and their culture are mutually exclusive, that they just don’t mesh in any real way. A move to make the curriculum reflect the communities and cultures of urban areas could, in turn, reshape these schools.

Of course, the curriculum is defined from on high by the government. As much as history and community, government actions on the local, state and federal level play a large role (for better or worse) in shaping schools in urban areas. Often, government seems to have very little understanding of urban schools and their needs.

After all, it is the government that decides on what kind of funding goes to schools in urban, suburban and rural areas and that decides the curriculum and standards that students must achieve. It was government action, as Fruchter notes, that both pushed through desegregation of schools while giving mortgages to white families in order to move out of urban areas. Every decision, large or small, on the national or local level, that affects schools will ultimately shape them.

Thus, the school environment in shaped by a clash between history, culture, community and government. And it is a clash. The story of Robby Wideman’s (Wideman, 1984; Fruchter pp30-35) rebellion against the school board and its ultimately disastrous aftermath indicates the conflict between the cultural and educational needs of urban communities and white society’s idea of what education in these communities should be. I can’t help but feel that bringing these disparate ideas into line will somehow create a schooling system that works for both the communities, the students, the teachers and the country as a whole.

Monday, February 2, 2009

How The Media/Popular Culture Portrays Schools - Some Examples

MOVIES
Urban: Sister Act 2: The setting is generic inner city, bordering on cliché, with mainly minority families. The community is exemplified by one parent who would prefer her child focus on academics just to make money and not follow her musical dreams. The teachers, being nuns, lack the creativity or edge to get through the students and need to bring in someone who can think outside the box. The students seem to follow the idea of urban high school kids, who don’t show respect, or lack the proper motivation but, deep down have that spark just needs to be Whoopi’d out of them. (Link)

Suburban: The Breakfast Club: What we see of the community is in the form of the main cast’s parents who are the adult stereotypes of what these kids could become and who expect them to follow in that direction. The teachers are similarly sparse, exemplified if the form of the principal who is a generic simple-minded authoritarian who just wants well-behaved and adjusted students. The students that we see are revealed to be more than stereotypes. They are individuals who are forced to struggle with other people’s ideas of who they are and what they should be. (Link)

Rural: Napoleon Dynamite: The community is modern and yet oddly backwards – so typically “rural.” The lone Hispanic family appears to stand out amidst the whiteness of everyone else in the movie. Teachers are merely a background presence, figures that need to be there but don’t play an important role. For the students, conforming to what would be considered “suburban” standards (the geeks, the loners, the popular kids) is prominent over anything that would be considered stereotypically rural. Conforming to these standards appears to be the norm, but at its heart the movie celebrates oddness. (Link)

TELEVISION
Urban: Teachers: A British “dramedy” about teachers at a school in the English city of Bristol. The community is seen as a mix of working and middle class. The school that is the setting is often seen falling apart with the students rearranging the name on the sign into various profane anagrams, or even stealing the letters entirely. The teachers are young and just as immature as some of the students, trying to hide their dedication to their job under a mask of “cool.” The students (as well as the teachers) are diverse, and are portrayed as either bright and exasperated with the teachers or difficult and the cause of much stress to the teachers who struggle to get through to them. (Link)

Suburban: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Obviously, the supernatural element may raise a few eyebrows, but the “high school is hell” theme of the first three seasons is rather appropriate. The community is typical suburban with a dark (very dark!) underbelly – yet it is oblivious to the very real problems faced by the kids. It is a great metaphor for parents who just want their kids to get through school, not caring about the social, interpersonal and academic problems they may face. The teachers are either a faceless mass that the students must put up with (and are horrified to learn are, in fact, real people when, in one episode, adults start acting like teenagers) or fuzzy liberals (which, we’re led to believe, leads to you getting eaten) or strict authoritarians (ditto). Similar to The Breakfast Club, the students are seen as more than just stereotypes who must juggle academic success with difficult relationships, growing pangs and, in this case, the undead. (Link)

Rural: South Park: A very odd choice but I find it is a great depiction of a not particularly diverse rural community (and what other show could address it such as way as to have the only African-America student be called “Token”?). Parents and teachers are shown as backwards and bizarre and prone to being overly reactionary. The students, while obviously unrealistically precocious and knowledgeable (it is a cartoon after all), are generally more open-minded and open to challenge than they are given credit for. They suffer the same foibles as adults yet see things with more clarity. The episodes about the racist town flag and the gay scoutmaster are wonderful examples of this. (Link)

SONGS
Urban: Eminem’s ‘The Way I Am’ briefly discusses and criticizes the shock of the media at shootings at suburban schools by stating that such violence has been plaguing urban schools for years and has been ignored until it happened to middle-class white children. Communities come across as overwhelmed by problems that everyone else in America has only just begun to pay any real attention to. Reading between the lines, students and teachers have been similarly ignored by society, cast to its fringes. (Link)

Suburban: Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick in the Wall, Part II’ is a song that springs to mind when considering generic rigid schooling and the attempts to turn children into functioning members of society, but really creating mindless automatons to push buttons in the working world. Teachers are seen as authoritarians, while students are rebelling against such an institution (although a large choir singing the chorus does not exactly strike me as them being individuals, but this is just a personal complaint). (Link)

Rural: Jeannie C. Riley’s ‘Harper Valley PTA’ is the most prominent song about rural schools that I can think of. The community portrayed is stereotypically rural – overly moralistic yet deeply hypocritical. Teachers do not play a role in the song (although one can imagine that they may fall under the same category as the important members of the community), while it appears as though students are left in the background as the PTA clearly cares more about issues of morality than the education of children. (Link)

NEWS
Urban: A recent report about a Brooklyn elementary school student Kemoy Gourzang who found, and returned, a wallet containing $500 struck me as a great example. The fact that what would normally be a small, insignificant story made the news runs counter to the theme of the piece. The teachers interviewed were proud, to be sure, but amazed that the boy acted the way that he did. His actions ring out because they clash with the stereotype of Brooklyn as an urban community. Other students, the boy said, would have kept the money. Of course, this is the typical bravado of a ten year olds that would be found in any school. (Link)

Suburban: An article from the Manhattan Institute discusses the problems facing suburban schools and how they are just as bad as, if not worse than, those faced in urban schools. The communities are considered safer and “more wholesome” and are clinging onto an illusion about what goes on within the confines of their schools. Teachers don’t factor into the article suggesting that they are as oblivious as the community or are unable to do anything. Students are presented as, quite frankly, debauched, drug-abusing and no different to their peers at urban high schools. (Link)

Rural: Over the past few years, when one hears of rural schools one thinks of the debate over teaching evolution in the classroom. The communities are often portrayed as backwards, clinging to religion and resistant to commonly accepted scientific ideas. In many of these cases, the teachers are seen as opposed to such measures and become martyrs to the cause of rationalism. In all of this, the students are almost always cast to the side of the debate as if their education isn’t as important as the issues being debated. (Link) (Link) (Link)

Urban Education - Frames of Reference

Approaching the idea of urban education in the United States, I feel that my attitudes are shaped as much by my national background as much as my class and race. As a British citizen becoming a teacher in America, my beliefs and prejudices have been formed in a different context to many others on a similar journey as my own. As Britain is a more class-based (or at least class conscious) society than the United States, it is my belief that when discussing urban issues, of which poverty is a primary factor, the prevailing importance of race strikes me as difficult to connect with. Certainly there are urban centers in the United Kingdom where the vast majority of the inhabitants are of ethnic minorities, but it is in my nature to view poverty in terms of class. Coming to the America where “urban” is practically a synonym for “black and/or Hispanic” my beliefs are shaped not by personal experience but by exposure to the media as well as conversations with teachers I have met who work in urban areas.

When I cast my mind to the idea of urban centers, I think of areas stricken with poverty and a lack of necessary amenities; parts of a city or town that has been neglected by local and national governments as a lost cause, where gang- and drug-related problems are rife. In Britain, this does not necessarily have racial connotations given that it has been, until recent decades, a far less diverse country when compared to the United States. Here, working class and often single parent families are crowded together in badly maintained tower blocks, a reminder of decisions made in the 1950s and 60s to fit as many of societies “rejects” into as little space as possible.

The schools, in turn, suffer from the same neglect that the areas themselves do. Damaged lockers, graffiti-covered bathrooms, metal detectors at entrances to protect the children from each other as much as outside dangers. Indeed, my own picture of such schools shows an environment that is not the safe haven from the problems of the urban area that these students call home. In a recent conversation with someone who works in an urban school in New Jersey, I was told of how classes had to be cancelled the day of the presidential election. The school had been designated as a voting location and they could not risk having doors unlocked allowing all members of the public into the school because of the dangers it my have posed. Another teacher has told me of how, on her first day working at an urban school, the body of a woman was found hanging from a tree in the yard. The police, she was informed, believed that it was a prostitute who had been murdered by a client or her pimp. Between these real life examples and the clichés one develops from exposure to the media, it is easy to see how certain stereotypes can seep into one’s idea of what a school in an urban area is like.

Due to a lack or misappropriation of funding these schools may lack the necessary equipment that middle class and suburban schools take for granted, rendering many newer, innovative teaching methods that require technology impossible. The teachers in such an environment must, therefore, be highly stressed. Looking at what popular culture has shown me, these teachers tend to come in one of two varieties: the resident of the area who has succeeded and wants to put some good back into the community; and the white, middle-class teacher who wants to lift the students up while learning important life lessons from them.

Again, if popular culture is to be believed, the students are a mix of apathetic, angry, cynical and inspired. For every one who is able to overcome the poverty that surrounds them and make it to college, there are so many others who will fall through the cracks no matter how hard the teachers try. No doubt, many feel that the problems they suffer outside the school are far more important than what they may learn in the classroom. As much of an exaggeration as it may seem, their out-of-school life may be such a struggle that education can seem irrelevant. This is the barrier which the teachers in these kinds of schools must break down in order to succeed. My girlfriend’s aunt is a teacher at a high school in Perth Amboy and, as such, I have been exposed to stories about how students, if they turn up, will be ill-prepared or do not care, because they genuinely do not see the point of education given their environment. The average feel-good movie will show that one special teacher break through these attitudes, but my own cynicism casts a shadow over my ability to believe that any one teacher or school can achieve this.

Conversations with urban educators since I have moved to the United States have yet to shake my belief in these stereotypes or forced me to reevaluate what I have come to accept as fact. It would require further exposure to urban schools, teachers and students in order to see the intricacies that clearly exist outside of movies, television and the news. Without such a challenge to my beliefs, they will undoubtedly impact on my interactions with my future colleagues and students.

While I currently have no intention of working in an inner city environment, it is not something that can be ruled out. I have always believed that only once an educator who comes from a more middle class, suburban background has experience and confidence in the classroom that they should take up the challenge of working outside their comfort zone. A teacher without this confidence could be potentially damaging to the education of the students if they do not feel as though they can connect in any meaningful way. Right now I don’t believe that I will enter the profession with this confidence and that it is something I will have to develop with time.

That said, even in middle-class classrooms, one will find underprivileged students whose lives are not that far apart from those growing up in an urban environment. Drugs and gangs are increasingly becoming a problem in suburban schools. Indeed, perhaps incorrect beliefs about suburban schools are just as problematic as the stereotypes that surround urban schools.

In any case, as a cultural outsider I would have less in common with students with such a background than even a middle class, white American teacher. I firmly believe that this will have more of an impact on my interaction with them than any beliefs I may have, although the clash between the stereotypes I may hold about them and those that they may hold about me has the potential to create a certain level of disconnect within the classroom. Several questions emerge from this consideration. Would I be quicker to consider some students a “lost cause” in an inner city school than I would a student in a suburban school? Conversely, would I spend more time trying to get to know the students and their outside problems, and less focusing on teaching, in order to get through to them? Would this necessarily be a bad thing? After all, one cannot ignore the importance of knowing one’s students as individuals as well as students in order to foster an atmosphere of trust in the classroom. If I was to find myself more likely to do this in an urban school, then perhaps the kind of classroom I run would prove better for the students.

However, there is some fear that other teachers would have negative attitudes about my identity as a cultural outsider and therefore my ability to successfully educate these students. My interactions with them would also be affected by the stereotypes that I will have cast them into as much as those I have about the students. However, because of my beliefs regarding the environment and the students, I feel that it would potentially foster a closer relationship with colleagues than in a more affluent school. Being out of my element, and having stereotypes that need to be challenged, I have no doubt that I would latch on to veteran teachers and perhaps be less inclined to attempt to tread my own path early in my career. The extent to which this would be of benefit or prove to be a hindrance to my classroom performance is something I feel incapable of answering this early into my training.

In a perfect world there would be no difference between the type of professional I would be in a suburban school and its urban equivalent. However, allowing what could be considered negative beliefs about the environment and the people has the potential to make me a very different teacher. That said, differences would occur were I to teach in a British school over an American one, or a private school over a public one. Stereotypes and possibly erroneous and misinformed beliefs are likely to emerge in any of the cases.

Ultimately, any assumptions I hold could prove to be problematic as I attempt to forge my own identity as a professional educator. Both becoming fully engaged in this Inner City Education class and exposing myself to an urban environment will be integral to overcoming incorrect beliefs, while allowing me to come to terms with aspects that are based in truth. Right now I have difficulty imagining myself working in an urban environment. My biggest hope is that by the end of this experience I will be able to say that maybe I could.